Whoooeee...

Well, I'm back at the Hooter Homestead now after a trip back home to help my folks with Grandma D's estate auction. I NEVER want to go through that again! The auction was three days, but it felt like twenty. I learned a few things. First, auctions are only fun if you're not on the selling side. Second, auctioneers are dirty sneaky lying jerks. At least the ones who did our auction. Third, you can still function while exhausted and sleep-deprived...

Also, I've never been to an auction where I didn't respect the fact that all this stuff once belonged to someone who cared about it. But watching the public callously pawing through stuff with careless abandon was infuriating.

The auctioneer, while I will not name names, was a lying little blowhard wearing a huge cowboy hat, who liked to give the impression that he was a real genuine authentic cowboy. He gave me a five-minute speech about how honest he was, and how he grew up all country "doing things the right way", so that sent up red flags right there. If you're TRULY honest, you don't need to tell people. If you're a cowboy, you don't go around trying really hard making sure people know you're one. He was also ignorant. When in just casual conversation I asked where he had gone to auctioneer school, he puffed out his chest and said, "Heh...yeah well, some people need to go to school, but I've just always had The Talent." I guess that's why he sounded like no other auctioneer I've ever heard. "Hey!!! ManaManaManananana wooooopppeeEEEEE mana-nana zing! zing! zing! Dippity dip dip dip zing!" I kid you not...that is an exact quote. Then later he insulted my husband. Again in casual conversation (I don't know why at this point I bothered), I mentioned that I had an art degree and Marden had a degree in Animal Science. He snorted and said, "Well, yeah...you know, I have a degree in animal science." I said, "Oh yeah? Where'd you go to school?" He again snorted and rolled his eyes and said, "Well, it's called growing up on a farm. THERE'S your Animal Science degree." Jerk. Did I say that already? My only regret at that point was simply walking away instead of saying, "You know what...you're a JERK. And you're short." I suppose someone has to take the higher road.

So you're probably thinking I'm being too rough on this guy...but there's a good reason. Maybe it's normal practice, but I feel the auction company had conflicting interests. They are avid Ebayers, and have their own buyers at auctions to buy stuff cheap in order to resell. They were pretty obvious about it, and it REALLY rubbed me the wrong way. Such was the case with some valuable figurines that went for $4 to his girlfriend before anyone else had the chance to see what they were bidding on...even our own "plant" who was keeping an eye out to make sure things weren't just given away. Pretty fishy.

Then there was The Jelly Cabinet Incident of 2008. Saturday night, the night before the last auction day, we re-discovered a jelly cabinet in Grandma D's barn, which we wanted to keep. It wasn't on the sale bill, so we decided to definately keep it. Especially when the auctioneers discovered it...all crowded around and all but petting the thing, with one IMMEDIATELY getting on his cell phone to discuss resale of the piece with what we assume was a buyer. We ended up putting a "NO SALE" sign on it after they left, and the next morning they were FURIOUS. Dad refused to budge, and they said they "had to sell it, since it was on the sale bill." It acutally wasn't..turned out to be another, cheaper, jelly cabinet. But they insisted on auctioning it off, so Dad informed them we'd be buying it back. And much to my stress, I did...and they stopped bidding at $500, I'm assuming because they knew I wasn't going to stop. Later I found a similar jelly cabinet on the internet for over $2000. No WONDER they wanted it. Jerks. Then Dad really socked it back by refusing to pay commission on an item that wasn't supposed to be for sale to begin with. They may have gotten a steal on some items through shady dealings - probably a lot we don't know about, but this wasn't one.

Anyway, it's over. The stuff is gone, we held some stuff back for our own personal use and Ebay, and Mom and Dad have that monkey off their backs. And one bright spot was our security guard, Lavern, and his dog Fred. Classic example of how you can't judge a book by it's cover. Despite appearances, Lavern was actually a pretty smart guy, and very interesting to talk to. He's been everywhere, is well-read and genuinely nice, but without fitting into the norms of society. A modern-day mountain man with no wilderness to live in, other than the wilderness of the road. He told me he wasn't long for that town...his feet were "getting itchy." Lavern and Fred, I wish you well in your travels!

So I've been back at The Homestead for a few days now...still exhausted, but muddling through. And, since the garden is doing so well, I've now delved into the exciting world of food preservation through canning! Our garden is going nuts, and I ended up purchasing a canner that'll work on a glass-top stove. Yesterday I put up the amazing amount of a whole SIX quarts of green beans. Actually, most were yellow, but same difference. Yeah, I know...don't overextend myself. :) But, now that I sort of know what I'm doing (at least as far as beans), I'm ready for the plants to really start spitting them out. I also canned eight pints of bread-and-butter pickles, though I had some difficulty getting them to seal. Word to the wise - when the directions say boil, they mean rolling boil. So I dipped them again, and this time they sealed. Might taste like shoe leather though...we'll see in two weeks.

Oh, and I have three new additions. Well...temporary additions. While at Stu's house in Searcy last week (before the auction), checking on the progress of Maggie (our truck...yes we named it. She's kind of a truck-stop waitress kinda truck, loosly inspired by the song "Maggie's Dream" by Don Williams), where Stu and Tony were fixing 'er up, some kittens were brought to my attention. Mama kitty was a stray, and all had bad but healing wounds caused by who knows what, and they were pretty skinny. And sucker me, I had to take them. Here's a pic of the crew, who, by the way, had to come to my folk's with me (and Sally), where after they got over being freaked out, they wreaked havoc in Mom and Dad's laundry room. Wounds are all healing really well (white kitty got the worst of it, and will be pretty scarred up, but she's still cute).

I'd forgotten how fun kittens are. Puppies are awesome, but a lot of work. Kittens are easy, adorable, and can really relieve stress...I guarantee having three purring away in your lap will make anyone smile.

Who needs an adorably cute kitten???