Chewing Gum Fail

I consider myself quite the chewing gum connoisseur, and I while I'm not steadfastly loyal to one brand, I do particularly enjoy Orbit gums. You may have noticed the same trend as I have of late of outlandish and wacky sounding gum flavors appearing on store shelves. At first I was tempted by these new taste sensations, but after Orbit Sangria made my stomach flop around like a dying guppy I decided to stick with the old standby of some kind of mint or cinnamon.

However, hubby had yet to learn this lesson. At a recent gas station stop, he picked up Orbit Maui Melon Mint. I thought I'd give it a try, since it did have the word "mint" on the package.

We each popped a piece in our mouths and chewed. Marden summed up the taste in one astute statement, "Tastes like I'm eating Noxema!"

That's EXACTLY what it tasted like. And no, we don't go around tasting facial cleansers. But we've all had the experience of washing your face, and a little bit gets on your lip, and your first reaction is to go, "Pwaaahaaahwaaaaaaaaaaa!" That's Maui Melon Mint. I wonder if it also prevents blemishes?

And not only does it taste like facial cleanser, but it's the gum that keeps on giving. The next morning when I opened the door, I was immediately brutally assaulted by a rotten-fruit stench. On my mission to find the ginormous over-the-hill mangotangerinepineapple that must surely be stuck somewhere, I found the gum...the rotten stench emanating from within it's seemingly harmless package.

Yup. I don't care if it means I'm boring or an old fogey. I'm sticking with plain 'ol doesn't-stink-up-your-car-or-make-you-puke mint or cinnamon.